About three weeks ago, I was shopping at Trader Joe’s. I was minding my organic p’s and cruelty-free q’s waiting in line to pay when a guy behind me in line asks, “Do you know if we have to pay for bags now?” I say, “Hmm I don’t know, let me ask.” So I ask the clerk and she confirms that yes, we now have to pay ten cents per bag. Me, the clerk and the guy waiting in line all chat for a minute before I finish paying and I say goodbye. As I was putting my groceries in my car, the guy approaches me. “I normally don’t do this, but I thought you were so nice and genuine, do you want to have coffee sometime?” I say, “Actually I’m dating someone right now but that’s very sweet of you to ask.” He says, “Oh, just as friends of course! I just moved to the area so I’m really just trying to meet nice people and network.” I say, “Oh, okay, sure then!” and we exchanged numbers and Facebook names, giggling at our ethnic names and the spelling of them. Seems innocent enough, I thought.
We messaged on Facebook and tried to set a coffee date and it wasn’t until yesterday that we firmed up a day this week.
Today I was shopping at Whole Foods, and I picked up my usual fare: organic roasted Brazil nuts, non GMO dark chocolate that gives 10% of its proceeds to charity, Level 4 organic pasture-raised skinless chicken breasts from a chicken named Doug raised on a farm in Marin, a natural homeopathic remedy for allergies, on sale for $19.99, and two sad looking conventionally-raised avocados for $1.50 each. I did draw the line at the non-organic blackberries for $4.99 though – I couldn’t deal with that. The produce section at Whole Foods is like a high-class escort, beautiful, but it breaks your bank (and sometimes your heart). After taking some deep breaths after my shock and dismay at the price of the blackberries, I meander on down to the meat section and as I’m waiting to get their attention, I look over to the cheese section. Mmmm, cheese, I thought. Then I notice him – it’s that nice fellow who I met at Trader Joe’s! I start wheeling my cart in his direction to say hi, when I notice that he’s talking to a woman and they’re both all smiles. I sort of watch them for a moment and wonder what I should do. Then I see them both have their phones out, and what looks to be exchanging phone numbers and Facebook names. They’re laughing and giggling at the spelling of their respective names or some bullshit like that. The little vegan yogi on my right shoulder says calmly, “Okay, Shayna, DO NOT approach. Practice non-violence, self-restraint and detachment and walk away.” So I actually listen to the yogi and went to the check out stand. Then another voice, a little more rough around the edges chimes in: “That organic male slut! Picking up women in health food stores! What a douche! You got duped! Never again, NEVER AGAIN! You need to put him on blast on Facebook or something because that is so sleazy!” says the Walmart-shopping, meat-eating glutton on my left shoulder. I couldn’t help but laugh. A smile creeped up on my face and I smiled at the cashier thinking, “Honey, if you only knew.”